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October 18th, 2005
08:15 pm
So all the surgeries have gone well. I've been discharged to go back to work, but with only 1 car I am left looking for another job once again since they don't have a Kinkos in Houma.
I hate being here. I hate being here with a passion. I'm tired of being optimistic. I've gone on serveral interviews and I've tried to get another car but shit just isn't working right now.
I'm so freakin aggrivated with everything.
Kasi and I hardly get along. I don't want to touch her or be touched. I don't want to love on her or even kiss and I straight up told her yesterday that I wasn't attracted to her anymore.
I feel bad...but I'm so stressed that I'm not thinking about anything else right now other than the fact that I might have to move back to Bakersfield just to work and I really dont' want to.
I've been crying for like 3 days now. I called my mom the other day just to talk to her cause I was so upset and just wanted to hear her voice. We are still not talking. And I don't plan on being the one to try to get ahold of her.
Life sucks right now. I know everyone keeps saying *At least you have your life* fuck that. I'd rather be dead righ tnow than have nothing. No car, no job, no money, no house, no clothes nothing.
I have my dog and he's great....but I really just don't want to be here. I've tried being strong and it seems like the more I keep my head up, the more I keep positive, the more that bad shit happens.
Ugh..fuck it all. I'm in the worst mood of my life.
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September 4th, 2005
04:46 pm - Safe and Alive
Hey everyone. I haven't updated in forever but everyone keeps messaging my phone to check on me and I don't have the best of service. I can call out 1 our of a 100 times and I can receive text messages but it is very rare that i can send them.
I'm ok. Kasi is ok and most of the puppy is ok lol. We don't know how our house is. We can't get back into the city, although we should be able to go look at it and our stuff, if it's all still there, tomorrow. They are saying that we can go look at it..but then we have to stay gone for at least a month. *Sigh* I am just hating all of this right now. I can't stand the fact that everyone I have worked for in the last year and a half, everything that I have built up, can either be gone or damamged. I HATE feeling helpless. I finally started getting to a place where I liked myself and like what I was building for myself. I'm not going to give up, I know this is just a little bump in the road. A slight set back...it's just hard sometimes to stay strong.
Okie I'm off to go help Kasi's mom.
<3Lease
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May 28th, 2005
04:29 am
I don't know who left me a note on my last entry...but this is my response.
I never said that's how I felt. I like the song. I finally found out who sang it and I kept listening to it and with a lack of words to update my journal, I posted my current favorite song.
And anyways, sometimes people are unhappy..maybe not because of their current relationship but because of their current lives. Other things make you unhappy other than your relationship. I've never been happy...by myself..in a relationship or with a fucking cat by my side. I'm happy that *you* don't feel that way and you're in a relationship. Congrats. Pat yourself on the back, give yourself a cookie and have a nice day. And next time...sign your note.
Sweet Dreams,
Lisa
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May 25th, 2005
04:45 pm
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
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April 29th, 2005
06:41 pm
I'm sick. I feel like crap. I have a fever blah.
FedexKinkos is great...fun work with great pay but an office job would still be great.
That's my update.
Besos..
Lease
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February 17th, 2005
11:58 am - Sick And Tired or Just Tired
Ugh. I feel so shitty. My ears are so plugged up it's ridiculour. I payed off my bank debt when I got my taxes in and I opened up a savings account to put aside the money my dad sent me and some of my other money. I'm going to sit on it a little while to save up some more money to get a half way decent car.
I've been really stressed out lately and upset. Blah..whatever. I'm trying to deal with everything in the right way but I am always questioning myself.
Valentines days sucked. Like royally...but hey it's just another day right?
I guess I've just been bitchy the last like month. I don't know what I want or how to get it. I don't know where I am or what i'm suppose to do.
I switched jobs. out of the food business and into cosmetics I have ventured. I'm a *Beauty Advisor* at Walgreens lol..go me go. Better pay and suchforth.
Alright lunch time then work for 4. *Much Love*
Lease
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December 17th, 2004
11:26 am
So I deleated my journal..but I miss it because it's one of the only places I feel like I can vent. I dont' really talk to anyone...and sometimes I wish I had more friends, well any friends at all because there are times I feel like I am going insane because I don't know where to go or where to turn.
Christmas is quickly approaching along with the new year. Damn if this year hasn't gone by so fast.
Becca..i lost your journal name and your email. My new email and screen name is GreenEydGrrrl03 still at aol. Hope you're doing well. Hope everyone is.
Cathi I miss you heaps. We need to make some time to talk because i have NO idea what is going on in your life. I love you dearly.
Always,
Lease
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October 22nd, 2004
09:33 pm - ..Ugh..It's been Awhile
So time and time again I find myself wanting to write down my multiple thoughts of frustration and stress..but I never take the exact time to venture to the computer and sit down long enough to make sense of what is going on in my head.
My mom is sick. She is at her b/f's house now but she is really sick. She is down to 98 pounds. Found out my dad took her off his insurance and we don't know what we're gonna do.
My job sucks. The people are cool but I make shitty money and I am TRYING really hard to find another job. I have a couple more interviews on their way coming..but it just seems like everything is going so slow. So for now I bust my ass at a shitty place and hope that I have enougn hours to live off of lol.
Kasi and I are just in our spat. Ya know..the one everyone warned me about? I gave her another chance. Let her take me for granted before and gave up someone that could have been wonderful for me to believe in someone that is just a child. I know a lot of times I act like a complete idiot and I am emotional..but fuck..I still know basically what I want for myself and out of life. But now I am in this predicament and don't know what to do with myself or this situation. I have to live here because I have no money to move anywhere else and I also don't own anything. Yay for me. Kasi and I don't really talk. Last night was the first night in I don't know how long that I slept in a different room. I find myself bitchy everytime I come home because I find SOMETHING with her that pisses me off. Down to her buying me taco bell with my money then eating it cause she couldn't it at my work and she just decided that I wasn't going to want it. I don't know...maybe it's just me. Maybe I just really do bring out the worst in people and in return THIS is what I'm left with?
Naw..fuck that. I'm good to Kasi. I give her everything she'd want. I cook and clean and do her laundry and cover her up at night and basically pretty much everything besides wipe her ass and give her a bath. I just don't know why it's so hard for her to give a little more when I've already sacrificed so much for her. I asked her for a little more affection and she can't even seem to give that. She wants to be with her new friend all the time and I mean..I like her friend...but I just wish there was more intimacy. Not sex...even though that would be great lol..but affection. Hugging and kissing and holding and whatnot. But no..we just always fight.
Well I'm done bitching. I'm off to work. Love and miss everyone! Cathi babe..I hope you're doin better. I miss you sweetie :o) Come see me soon :o)
*Lease*
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August 2nd, 2004
12:10 pm - It's Been Awhile
It's been awhile since I actually wrote in this darn thing. I've just been so busy with things the last month or so.
Kasi and I moved in together..just as everyone knew we were gonna. The apartment is cute. Things were sooper rocky for the first month...I must say they have perked up like 110%..even though we still have our issues. Maybe I'm just a big walkin issue. Hmmm...
Things at worked started going REALLY shitty. We lost a contract and my work was cut back so so much. I couldn't make August rent and my mom and dad sent me money. Talk about how shitty I felt. So I payed my rent...about to go grocery shopping. It doesn't help that Kasi still owes her mom a little bit of money. She's working out in Thibodaux with her dad...but she makes around enough to pay what is due and really nothing else.
I turned off my cell phone because it was just easier. We got unlimited long distance on the house phone so I can call my parents. All in all my bills aren't TOO much. 255 for my half of the rent around 45 for the phone bill, 25 for cable and 50 for electric. And ya know...I was doing great till all this shit happened with work.
So now I'm looking for either a second job or another job in general. *ugh* I just wish SOMETHING would happen SOON!
I got a kitty couple days ago. He's cute. I had enough money to buy him food and whatnot. He's so cute. Black with blue eyes and tiny as can be. Right now he's stuck under bed. Doesn't want to come out but I'm really thinking he needs to. Although this is the quiestest he's been since we got him.
Like I said Kasi and I have had a bump ride. But things are perking up. She tried to make up to me by getting me tickets to go see Sarah Mclachlan for my birthday. I must say that was the best night I have had in a LONG time. The concert was totally awesome and I just didn't want to leave. I think we're also gonna go tubing *hmm spelling?* lol for my birthday. It's not till the end of August..but hey it's coming fast.
Well I guess that's really all that has been going on. I took out some piercing..no more metal in Lisa's body lol except in my tongue and 1 other place. That was a hard one to part with but Ida know..for some reason I just felt like it was time to start taking them out.
I've done a lot of thinking in the past couple months. There are a lot of things I've figured out and a lot of things I"m still learning. I didn't give up on Kasi and I must say things have been great the last couple weeks. I just hope it stays this way. Hmm....
Well I'm off!
*Lease*
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May 27th, 2004
07:03 pm - hehe I Finger
| S | Sappy | | T | Technological | | A | Appealing | | R | Rounded | | C | Careful | | R | Revolutionary | | A | Amazing | | Z | Zonked | | E | Emotional | | D | Dainty | | G | Glamorous | | U | Unreal | | R | Relaxing | | L | Legendary |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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